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ETOS Programme · Relatives of people with addiction

When you are close
to someone
with addiction

You cannot control the addiction. But you can understand the tensions — and act differently within them. ETOS helps you find your own position without losing yourself.

Typical tension field — carers
Care for the otherHigh
Self-protectionLow
Room for actionLimited
Relational trustModerate

ETOS detects: High care combined with low self-protection creates ethical debt — not toward the person with addiction, but toward yourself.

What you know

You try to help.
It does not work.
You lose yourself.

Carers of people with addiction find themselves in one of the most complex tension fields that exists. There is no perfect solution — only choices that all carry a cost.

ETOS is not here to give you the answer. It is here to make the tension visible — so you can act with more clarity.

You try to help — but the help does not work. It feels like you are doing everything wrong.

You feel responsible — but cannot always tell what is yours to carry and what is not.

You love this person — but you are losing yourself in the process.

You do not know when to hold on, when to let go — and when to leave.

What ETOS is in this context

Not therapy. Not a solution. But overview and direction.

ETOS is not

Treatment

Not therapy or psychological help
Not treatment of the addiction
Not a solution to the relationship
ETOS is

Guidance

Systemic guide
Decision support
Reflection framework
ETOS gives

Clarity

Overview of the tensions
Your own position made visible
Decisions with more direction

"I help carers understand complex situations and find their own direction — without losing themselves."

The programme

Four modules · four steps

Click a module to see the content and exercise.

01

Understand the situation

What is actually happening?
Content
Introduction to ETOS — simple and concrete
Helping vs. protecting yourself
Love vs. boundaries
Hope vs. reality
Exercise
👉 "Your situation"
You adjust three sliders: risk, relational trust and your own level of strain. ETOS shows your current field of tension.
Clarity about the situation Named tension
02

See yourself

Where do I stand?
Content
Responsibility vs. guilt — the important difference
What is mine — what is not mine
Ethical debt: what you owe yourself
Exercise
👉 "My responsibility"
Three columns: What I can influence · What I cannot · What I think I should be able to. The separation is liberating.
Clarity Relief Realism
03

Decisions

What do I do now?
Content
ETOS as a decision tool in practice
When to act — and when to stop
Setting boundaries without giving up the relationship
Exercise
👉 "Next steps"
What is one action? What is one boundary? What is one thing you stop? Three concrete answers — not plans, but steps.
Concrete action A boundary set
04

Relationship and future

How do I live with this?
Content
Relationship without control — what it requires
Acceptance without giving up
Rebuilding your own life alongside
Exercise
👉 "My life alongside"
What gives me energy? What have I lost? What do I want to rebuild? Three answers that point forward — not back.
Own life visible Direction forward
Optional element

Bankeren in the programme

For carers who know Bankeren from the children's universe — or who simply need to feel something before talking about it — Bankeren is a quiet tool in the programme.

Not mandatory, but powerful in conversations where words are not enough to begin.

See the Bankeren product →
Example from a session
Participant: "I don't know what I feel. It's just... heavy."
→ Chooses purple colour on Bankeren
"Purple. That fits. It is something inward."
The conversation starts from there — from what was felt, not what was explained.
Format

Three ways to participate

🏛

Workshop

All four modules in one day. Intensive and concrete. Suitable for groups who know each other.

3–4 hours · in person · small groups
📅

Programme

One module per week over four weeks. Time to let the insights land and work in everyday life.

4 weeks · online or in person · group or solo
🤝

1:1 counselling

ETOS as a conversation tool in individual sessions. Most flexible and personally adapted.

Arranged individually · online or in person
Pilot programme

Take the first step

The programme is in its pilot phase and open to the first participants. You can start with a free 30-minute introductory conversation — no obligation, no agenda.

Free introductory conversation · 30 min · no obligation

● Pilot running

Would you like to test it in your real situation? 90 min · free · no preparation.

See the pilot package →

Important: ETOS programmes are not emergency support, therapy, or treatment. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, or this involves violence, abuse, or self-harm right now, contact emergency services, a doctor, psychiatric emergency care, or a relevant crisis service.

What you share in a conversation is used only to conduct the programme and improve the method — it is not shared further without agreement.